Why am I still here?

Am writing a post after really long. Had written few drafts on interesting development on web design, HTML 5 and CSS3, but they remained just drafts due to my bad health and too many things going on in my life and my mind.

There are very few people who read this blog few of them being my close friends and clients and rest people from my industry who end up on this site from search engines.

Am currently in a very calm state of mind hence thinking very clearly after very long time. Maybe thinking so clearly for first time.

This is would be a very honest attempt from me to write down that too on my blog.
I had quit my Architecture studies since I could not wait any longer to start my business. I loved Architecture and still love. It would remain my life long passion. I still justify my decision of leaving studies and never regret the decision. But I have started regretting what I did after that.

Unlike many other people, I was never a practical person. I was not afraid to dream bigger than my means or skills. I am overly optimistic person. All this has still not changed. I still think the same.

The only realization I have had, is that achieving my impossible dreams which some would laugh at is still possible for many using my plans but they are not possible to achieve by me.
Am just built differently and weirdly. I sometimes consider myself a loser sometimes I dont. Whatever I think of myself, am still in a loser category by world’s standards.
For me to achieve my own dreams, I would have to break myself, and rebuild myself into something new. I might lose who I truly am in the process, but it dosent matter anymore. The only thing that matters to have always been my dreams, and to make them true, I have to change myself now.

I have written this, to first accept am a loser, and then to have this as a reminder to come back to this every week to see if am same or changing.

I dont believe in luck, but I do wish myself all the good luck!

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3 thoughts on “Why am I still here?”

  1. Well, now you’v been real wise person after that wisdom tooth has gone. It’s really a brave attempt to put your brave confession on cloud and is eternal truth too. Any human is loser in some ways. I believe those who approve themselves achievers, winners are literally fake. Losing, winning is just part of a life and well balanced verbs. Your success depends on what side you are putting your weight. Only few people are ‘destiny’s child’ and that’s not us. So, better drop the idea of rebuilding yourself and just grow older as you’r. As far as I know you, you’r not at all a weirdly made. You’r just my clone! Remember “We gonna be there”.

  2. Hey there. I don’t think you are a loser. People go thru a whole lifetime deluded about their grandeur that does not exist. You are able to take a good hard look at yourself and that is more than what most people can do.
    There are dreams which we achieve and there are some we don’t. It is not the be all and end all of everything. Sometimes it is best if dreams remain dreams. Whether we win or lose it doesn’t matter……what matters is our attitude in both cases.
    Greatness has been achieved by the so called weirdos… Buddha when he left his palace and went into the jungle meditating for years must have been called a weirdo before he became enlightened. Likewise for Einsten, Vincent Van Gogh…..and plenty others.
    Our society is created for mediocrity and not for geniuses. So if you are a genius you will not fit. If you need to come down a few notches to fit sometimes it is OK. Don’t let it weigh on you. Its just like a rich man travelling by train sometimes. It doesn’t make him poor.

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